Shadow Work 101: How to Love Your Shadow

We all have personality traits or parts of ourselves that we spend our lives running from, hiding from others, and loathing.

But did you know pushing away your “shadowy” parts does more harm than good?

Today, we’ll explore shadow work and how embracing your shadow helps you move from surviving to thriving.

What is your inner shadow?

It sounds ominous, but your inner shadow isn’t some weird “witchy” thing.

The inner shadow is the part of your personality you don’t want to acknowledge or accept. When you “exile” certain traits deemed undesirable by yourself and others, they end up in the shadows.

Some examples may be jealousy, rage, power hunger, low self-esteem, or not standing up for yourself.

Like the Chinese philosophy of yin and yang, it is normal to have light and dark sides. One can’t exist without the other. Unfortunately, self-development practices often demonize these aspects of the human psyche, focusing only on positivity.

What happens when you suppress your inner shadow?

Neglecting and suppressing your shadow parts makes them more powerful. After all, the shadow wants to be noticed and accepted.

The psychologist Carl Jung believed unheard and unseen parts of the subconscious mind – which he called the shadow – manifest in harmful behavior like:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Shame

• Self-loathing

• Poor boundaries

• Addiction

• OCD

• Procrastination

• Perfectionism

• People pleasing

Denying your shadow also affects your relationships. You may project anger, guilt, and shame onto the people closest to you.

What is shadow work?

Shadow work involves bringing rejected parts of your psyche into the light by cultivating a deep sense of authenticity and self-love.

The goal is not to get rid of your shadow. Instead, integrating your shadow helps you become who you really are and live as a more embodied version of yourself.

Embracing your shadow helps you live with more confidence, agency, and ease. Shadow work also increases your compassion for others, which is an asset to your relationships.

Shadow work tips to love your inner shadow

You can do shadow work with the help of a trained therapist. However, you can also explore shadow work solo when you feel ready.

Here are some powerful shadow work techniques:

1. Notice Your Emotions

The first step to identifying your shadow is noticing unhelpful patterns, emotions, and triggers. Recurrent “negative” emotions shine a light on your shadow parts and inner wounds.

For example, if you’re triggered by people who stand up for themselves and ask for what they want, this might be a portal to one of your shadows.

When you notice your shadow, don’t judge it; sit with it and become a curious observer.

What feelings and memories are tied to this trait? What is unacceptable about this trait? What does it mean to you?

Allow the answers to arise naturally – be patient and don’t force anything.

2. Use a Shadow Journal

Keeping a shadow journal is a helpful way to address memories and traumas lurking within your shadow.

Here are our favorite journal prompts – spend time feeling into and exploring these topics in writing:

What makes me feel unsafe?

Which negative emotions do I try to avoid?

What am I most afraid of or insecure about, and why?

What trait do I see in others that I wish I had myself? How does it make me feel?

What behaviors in others upset me and why?

In what situations am I the hardest on myself?

Where do I self-sabotage in life?

3. Heal Your Inner Child

Interestingly, deep wounds from childhood experiences – when your feelings weren’t heard or accepted – fuel your shadow.

As such, inner child work is a fundamental part of shadow work. Learn more about how to “re-parent” and heal your inner child in this article.

4. Practice self-compassion

Shadow work can be uncomfortable, but real transformation happens when you develop compassion and deep love for your shadow parts.

Just as you wouldn’t be impatient when a child or dear friend expresses hurt or sadness, you need the same level of compassion with your inner shadow.

We recommend bathing your shadow in love and acceptance by listening to loving kindness meditations. You can also soothe yourself with slow breathing, yoga Nidra, and self-love affirmations. This helps your nervous system to feel safe, making it easier to dig deeper into the work.

Final thoughts

Shadow work is the ongoing journey of becoming self-aware and self-compassionate. It requires bravery and commitment but is so worthwhile.

At The Collective Ritual, we offer guided journaling, meditation, and breathwork workshops in our monthly membership to help you meet your inner shadow with compassion, non-judgment, and love.

Note: We encourage you to do shadow work with a trained therapist if you’ve experienced significant trauma. They can offer you guidance and tools to deal with triggers.